Hi there. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed response.
I agree, much of what I tried to bring up can be resolved simply with open and honest communication, which is something I also tried to convey in the piece.
Let’s get into details, I like that attitude.
[So when you start thinking that how about saying “Hey this is what I am thinking”? Do you know why you don’t do that? Because “let’s talk about us” implies that there is an “us” to talk about.]
I find that there’s an ingrained fear in women (and men) these days to demonstrate they’d like to have something more than a casual relationship. That’s a problem, definitely. When people feel like they have to pretend to be carefree and unconcern to not scare away someone they like, that’s a problem.
Of course it would be better to just be open and ask, “where do you think this is going?” Just as it would be better for men to come up and say, “I’m not looking for anything serious early on.” Btw, women can do that, too. I know I’ve done it. Let’s all communicate better.
Re: Friendzone —[ I will go there for you. It is the result of the man being too afraid to ask and the woman being too afraid to tell for fear of hurting their feelings.]
Agreed. It has everything to do with men pursuing the “friendship first” approach but never actually coming up and saying, “I have feelings for you.”
[Oh my god. This is relationship therapy 101. NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL ANYTHING. You are literally saying “be responsible for how I feel”. “Manipulate my emotions through your actions by saying things I want to hear”]
Yes and no. I agree that you should take charge of your own feelings, but also watching your behavior a little bit so that you don’t trample over the feelings of others never hurts. I had a partner who constantly made me feel stupid, who undermined my ideas and thoughts so much I nearly gave up thinking for myself. That’s called gaslighting, if I’m not mistaken. For a long time, I wasn’t strong enough to take charge of my feelings, until I had to stand up for myself and call it quits.
It’s not about having other people manipulate your feelings and make you feel a certain way, it’s about being at least a little bit mindful of how your actions affect someone else’s feelings.
If no one can make you feel a certain way, would you say emotional abuse isn’t real?
[No, you need to stop looking at love as a feeling and look at it as a choice. Love is a decision.]
Yes, definitely. Love is a choice you have to put a lot of work into. If you’re going to put a lot of work on something, why not work on listening, being kind and demonstrating to the person you love how they make a difference in your life?
Again, thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to reading more from you.