How early is “too early?”

Photo by Andrey Zvyagintsev on Unsplash

Men won’t commit to women anymore because women have made sex too easily available.

That has to be the favorite conservative argument against premarital sex. It’s meant to explain why marriage rates are plummeting all over the world while blaming it on “loose” women at the same time. Two birds with one stone.

Arguments like these breed a host of insecure and sexually unsatisfied women who constantly second-guess every decision they ever make regarding sex.

If you do it early on and he walks away, you don’t blame it on your ultimate incompatibility or the glaring difference in your values…

1. If you’re hungry, eat.

Photo by Niki Sanders on Unsplash

How many times have you gotten into a fight with your partner because you were cranky?

Adults like to believe they are much better than toddlers, but the reality is we’re only toddlers who have learned the rules of proper social conduct.

We’ve mastered enough self-control not to blow up whenever we’re too hungry, too tired, or want to go to the bathroom too badly — and that’s a social good.

But like toddlers, we adults do get cranky when we’re pushed past our limits. …

And is blame even the right word?

Photo by Iván Acedo on Unsplash

In the aftermath of a divorce, emotions run high. There might be a sense of relief, there might even be friendship after an amicable split, but there’s usually grief, a deep sense of loss, and perhaps some anger and resentment.

When your whole world comes crashing down, it’s tempting to look for someone to blame.

You might blame yourself, or your former spouse — or even alternate between the two depending on your mood.

You come up with alternative scenarios and hypotheticals that help absolutely no one: “if I haven’t done X, or if I had tried Z we wouldn’t…

— and Other Hard Pills to Swallow About Relationships.

Photo by Jacob Mejicanos on Unsplash

At a family lunch at my boyfriend’s house, the subject turned to second marriages. Specifically, men in their 60s or even in their 70s who leave their “caring and doting” wives of 30+ years to marry women 20–30 years younger — and often have children with them.

These men are often confused with their own children’s grandpas, their new wives could easily be their daughters.

The question around the lunch table was, why do men do this?

“One month he comes to his doctor’s appointment with a devoted wife of 30+ years who keeps track of his blood sugar and…

Depends on the purpose of your relationship.

Photo by Ethan Robertson on Unsplash

Raise your hand if you’ve seen the following dating advice thrown around here and there:

“It’s a mistake for women to stick around waiting for a proposal that will never come. Girlfriend, if he hasn’t proposed in X years*, he never will.”

*X being the number someone thinks is the absolute limit beyond which it would be a waste of time to stay together without a ring on your finger. And X is rarely higher than 3.

But is there any foundation to the advice, or is it simply arbitrary? …

When song lyrics say what our words cannot.

Photo by Siddharth Bhogra on Unsplash

Saying “I like you” face to face can be quite a challenge — especially when you’re a teenager.

As a teenager, sending hints through songs feels like a very clever (not to mention subtle) move.

You’re baring your heart in front of another person while simultaneously hiding behind somebody else’s voice singing words that aren’t yours. It’s a bold move, yet safe.

It’s about as much as you can handle being that young and that in love.

Not to mention that full of hormones.

In the 1980s, teenagers and young adults did it with mixed tapes recorded on cassettes. In…

Photo by mehrab zahedbeigi on Unsplash
  1. She knows from experience that the “bad boy” is not always reliable.
  2. She thinks the “nice guy” is really cute.
  3. She thinks the “nice guy” has other qualities that make up for his general lack of confidence.
  4. She understands how extremely confident guys are often just entitled jerks.
  5. The “nice guy” reminds her of her dad and how her dad loved her, so she’s simply repeating the love patterns she learned in childhood.
  6. The “nice guy” makes her laugh.
  7. The “nice guy” brings her flowers.
  8. The “nice guy” subconsciously reminds her of her brother, the one she has a really…

We have a lot in common, but we’re all unique.

Photo by Aiony Haust on Unsplash

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.
It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

Jean-Paul Sartre

Being human isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience.

We do share a thousand commonalities. We find the universal in the particular, and we empathize with one another over similar experiences that often feel exactly the same.

We experience loss and we grieve, we cry and we bleed, we love and we wish to be loved in return.

But how each of us expresses and recognizes love varies. The extend of…

Stop living in absolutes.

Photo by Tyler Raye on Unsplash

“That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

What an interesting world we live in.

We’ve taken the “love yourself first” advice to an extreme. We focus so much on loving ourselves unconditionally that we miss instances where we’re in the wrong, not to mention valuable opportunities for growth.

We’ve become overly sensitive to adversity and anything we perceive as “toxic.” We focus on extricating ourselves from these “toxic” situations instead of seeking to solve conflicts in a productive way.

Don’t get me wrong, you should strive to love yourself, and there are toxic situations you…

Renata Gomes

Life explorer.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store