Or, men are lost and women are tired.

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I came across this sentence in a youtube video: “We have a harsh dating climate in today’s society where men have become spoiled and women have become desperate,” Anna Bey.

I personally think men are lost and women are tired.

I’m not apt to speak about the experience of homossexuals and other sexual orientations, but I’m not sure that the feelings of loss and confusion regarding dating and relationships are exclusive to heterosexuals.

From where I’m sitting, there seems to be a misalignment between the sexes. …

That we forget too often.

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Modern dating sometimes feels like a minefield.

It feels like exploring new territory without a map, like trying to find our way in a dark, unfamiliar house just by sense of touch.

But despite how lost we feel, there are some common landmarks that remind us we’re not treading such unfamiliar waters after all. In the end, we’re all in the same boat.

We all have a past

We all have exes, a history, and baggage.

We all have reasons to mistrust the opposite (or the same) sex. We can all begin sentences with “men always,” or “women never.”

If we wanted to, we could…

How good men can be bad husbands.

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With the rate of marriage in the US and other developed countries hovering at around 50%, down from 70–80% in the 1960s, marriage is increasingly for the marriage-minded only.

Marriage used to be something virtually every adult eventually got around to, usually sooner rather than later and regardless of personal aptitude. As a result, many ended up forcing themselves to conform to marriage like they’d force themselves to wear a shoe that didn’t fit. If you had to do like Cinderella’s ugly sisters and cut off your toes or heels to wear it, you would. …

But they’re mostly sociopaths.

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The statistics make for an attention-grabbing headline: 33% Of Women Will Go On Dates Just For The Free Food.

The article above references a study by researchers from Azusa Pacific University and the University of California Merced, who investigated the behavior they named a “foodie call,” when women will misrepresent their romantic interest in a man to get a free meal out of him.

Click-bating headlines aside, the study deserves a closer look.

Researchers conducted two studies, in which they surveyed women regarding their foodie call behavior, dark triad personality traits, traditional gender role beliefs, and online dating history. …

If you tend to feel anxious in a relationship, you should work on yourself.

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Being anxious in love is no picnic.

When you’re anxious in love, silence makes you uncomfortable. Not getting a phone call or a text immediately makes you question what you did wrong that they don’t want to see you anymore.

When you’re anxious in love, you’re insecure. You’re afraid that any misstep on your part will cause your partner to leave. Especially in the early stages of the relationship, you constantly worry about how you’re coming across.

Are you texting too often? Are you being too demanding? Are you being needy? Are you scaring them off?

If you invite them…

Assuming they’d like to get married someday.

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Let’s get one thing out of the way: if you’re single and not interested in a long-term partnership, marriage, or in having kids in that context, this isn’t for you (although some of it applies to casual, short-term relationships just as well).

That said, here are 20 ways single women accidentally sabotage their love lives:

  1. They date men who are clearly not committed-oriented then blame themselves once they can’t “make him” commit.
  2. They don’t apply basic economic concepts to relationships, such as sunk cost and opportunity cost because let’s face it, they don’t sound sexy.
  3. They overanalyze everything and find…

Is sex the reason you’re still single?

Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

Sex has never been a safe bet for women.

As Molly Ringwald’s character says in The Breakfast Club:

“It’s kind of a double-edged sword, isn’t it? If you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have, you’re a slut! It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, but when you do you wish you didn’t, right?”

“How soon is too soon to sleep with someone?” might be THE dating question of our time.

You want to, but you’re not sure you can. If you do it early on and he walks away, you know you won’t…

A fair question without an easy answer.

Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

The landscape of romance and romantic relationships has changed dramatically in the last 50 years.

Statistically, we’re seeing more people remain single well into their 30’s than ever before. In the US, The Pew Research Center reported that, in 2017, “roughly six-in-ten adults younger than 35 (61%) are now living without a spouse or partner, up from 56% just 10 years ago.”

In 1960, 75% of US adults were married. Now, the number hovers at around 50%.

Statistics on married people matter because they signal a cultural shift with wide ramifications. As marriage falls in popularity, so do other forms…

Societal expectations are only a part of it.

Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

My mom used to tell me almost all of her friends were married by age 20. At 25 years old on her wedding day, my mom was practically a spinster.

One of her friends, however, didn’t get married until her mid-forties. I was seventeen at the time, and I had been aware of whispers about her and her boyfriends at least since I had been fourteen.

Maybe this one will be good enough.

Maybe this one is The One.

Maybe this time.

It had been hard for her to find a husband— that seemed to be the message.

I was…

It won’t be painless, but it can be easier.

Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash

Facing rejection forces you to exercise a few muscles you probably didn’t even know you had. Muscles connected to your sense of self-worth and your resilience.

Like any other muscle, it grows stronger the more you use it. That doesn't mean you should go out there and expose yourself to as much rejection as possible, it just means that cowering before the possibility of rejection and allowing the fear of rejection to paralyze you won’t make your life any easier.

When it comes to love, rejection is the other side of the coin.

In your search for love, you often…

Renata Gomes

Life explorer.

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